RELATIONSHIPS WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS

Middle School Survival Tips

The middle school years are filled with changes for your children. Some of the most

important changes have to do with their relationship with you and the family, as

well as with friends. Here are some general characteristics of youth at this age.

Family Relationships with Fifth and Sixth Graders

• Your child may display exaggerated emotions. He or she may be very happy, silly, very sad, or very mad and not much in-between.

• They may develop better relationships and increased trust with adults.

• Your child may be more willing to participate in family activities.

Friend Relationships with Fifth and Sixth Graders

• Your child may become more conscious and judgmental of his or her own appearance.

• Your child may begin to conform to peer expectations.

• Your child and his or her friends may have secret codes, meeting places, cliques, etc., with other friends.

• Your child will begin to select friends based on mutual interests, as opposed to the childhood playmate next door.

• As your child begins to try to conform to both societal expectations and peer expectations, he or she may experience conflict between the two.

• Dangers lie in possible experimentation with sex, drugs, and alcohol at this age.

Family Relationships with Seventh and Eighth Graders

• Your child will probably continue to experience emotional highs and lows.

• Your child at this age may spend less time with family and more time with friends.

• Your child still has a strong need for parental attention and respect. He or she needs to have his or her opinion taken seriously during his or her growing independence.

• Your child is likely to develop a strong need for his or her own privacy.

Friend Relationships with Seventh and Eighth Graders

• Sense of humor blossoms.

• Youth become critical of their own appearance.

• Youth become very preoccupied with self-interests.

• “Best Friends” become very important. Activities like going to movies, talking on the telephone, and gossiping tend to increase.

THINGS TO REMEMBER

• Your awareness, limits, guidance, and approval of your teen are very important now. During children’s newly emerging independence, they may act contrary; but they need the safety net of your support and limits to test their wings.

• Younger middle schoolers may be much more open to talking with you. However, older middle schoolers may not want to talk with you.

• If your child has done something wrong (and you are upset), try to say at least two GOOD THINGS to him or her BEFORE you talk about the bad things.

• Use your child’s name when talking to him or her.

• Look at your child when you’re talking and listening to him or her.

• Keep talking and listening to him or her! Preserve and grow in your relationship!

• Humor is important. Be “funny” and let him or her be “funny.”

• If you like what he or she is doing or wearing, tell him or her EXACTLY whatyou like. This shows you aren’t just saying it; it shows you care.

• If your child did something well, PRAISE him or her.

• “I” messages let children know exactly what you want, why you want it, and how you want it. They won’t have to guess what you want or how you feel. This is a way of setting limits. Examples: “I feel very upset when you throw your clothes on the floor. Clothes cost money. I work hard for my money and I want you to have nice clothes to wear.” “I do not want you to carry those two full glasses of milk at one time. I am afraid they will spill.”